did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
