my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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