i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
