when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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