I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
