He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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