I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
