are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
