Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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