I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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