Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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