smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
