no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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