some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
