Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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