My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
