why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
