discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
