Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
