You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
