So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
