a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
