So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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