I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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