i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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