The maid of honor just puked.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can I color on your dick again?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
