I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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