Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
