let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
