you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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