Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She told me I should be a condom model.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize