I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
