Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
