Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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