my phone needs a breathalizer
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
