Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
