Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
