I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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