I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
