So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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