Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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