i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
