so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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