hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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