He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
