Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
