oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
