Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
