You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
