I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
