sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
