You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
