Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
