I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize