A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
