Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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