Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
