Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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