I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He has the fingertips of a God
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
