the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
