For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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