Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize