we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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