made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We left the knife in your bed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
