plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
