I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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