So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
